Kindly Unspoken
by Addison Beckett
Summary: Sometimes, when life has become exactly the oposite of what you wanted... you start to think about your past. At least Addison does and she realizes something really important.


Well hello there. It's me. Do you remember me? I know that I haven't written anything in like... half a year or something like that and I am sorry for that, but I just... had... a really bad case of writers block. Then I saw last week's episode of Greys and … I realized that I just had to write something. That doesn't mean that the following fic has anything to do with the episode... it just means that I missed writing Fanfic because … in fanfics... I decide what happens... and I can do whatever I like. I wont turn Addison into some kind of Mer/Der shipper and hug Meredith (ever) and I sure would have made her kick some asses (literally) Still the episode was great and of course Addison was the best to it. It was great to see how she was practically the glue that put everything together... it was funny (the vagina monologs with Callie and the Ghandi talk with Izzie) it was heart breaking (the talk with Miranda) it was kind of hot (her talk and looks with Mark) and well. It was all in all a good episode for Addison. Oh btw… is someone else pissed that they didn't even notice the hair colour? I mean... hello? The red head was now a brunette and no one says anything? Typical Shonda.

Anyway... to cut the rand short. I am back with a new Fanfic and I hope you enjoy it 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything... I would like to own Kate Walsh tho… but oh well... who wouldn't.

Thanks for the beta reading to my best friend. I hope it wasn't too much work for you. Thanks again. You did a good job

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**Kindly Unspoken**

Sometimes it takes you too long to realize that something you loved... someone you loved is gone. It takes you too long to realize that you wasted years pretending not to have feelings for him, not being in love him... not seeing him. By now it doesn't matter anymore. You are alone. You are all alone and the house is dark and when you come home from work, no one is there to greet you or to ask how your day was. This is what your life has become... empty.

It wasn't that you didn't want to give him a chance. It wasn't that you didn't want to let him in; open up to him or that you were trying at all costs not to fall in love with him. It was just, that time was never right for the two of you. All in all, that was most likely your fault. At least the second time around.

**xoxoxox**

You lean over the reeling of your balcony and breathe in the salty scent of the ocean, letting the last sun stripes of the day caress your tanned face as you close your eyes. You wanted to start over new, you wanted to forget everything that happened in the last 2 years and you wanted to just... be yourself again. It didn't work.

Pictures of him are suddenly floating your mind. Him smiling because you baked him a chocolate cake for his birthday (although you never had done such a thing in your entire life, and after trying the cake you realized that you should have never started) Still, he had eaten almost the whole piece before you tried it and he had kept that smile on his face the entire time and you knew that he liked you.

You saw him laughing the moment you sat down on the swing in Central Park, trying to get as high as possible, and were excited like a little child but then suddenly made a wrong move and fell down on the ground, twisting your ankle and hurting your knee pretty bad. He was right by your side, carrying you all the way to his car and driving you to the hospital with a worried look on his face and you knew he cared about you.

You remember him brushing a strand of hair out of your face, tucking it sweetly behind your ear as his fingers lingered on your soft skin and he gently kissed your lips, closing his eyes to fully take in that you were his and you knew he loved you.

Since then, years had gone by and you wondered if those things ever really happened but then you would see the small bruise on your left knee and you (would) know it had been reality.

You missed him, you missed him badly and although you two were never really serious, just fooling around at least that's what you were telling yourself at the time… you knew you could have been so much more. You had the potential, you had feelings for each other... and you cared, but it was never enough.

Sighing softly you tuck a strand of flaming red hair behind your ear as you think about your life. Somehow it was weird that you didn't miss the man that used to be your husband for 11 years... but you missed the man that used to be your dirty mistress. It isn't right... you shouldn't miss him the way you do... you shouldn't feel the things you feel, but you do.

Your heart is telling you that maybe, just maybe he meant more to you than you would like to admit, but you tell your heart off and you let your head take over. This time although your head refuses and your heart wins. You sigh once again when you realize that you never told him that you loved him and you slump your shoulders when you remember that he had at least tree times.

Turning your head to look through your balcony door into your living room, you see the open laptop and remember the email you received from Callie two days ago. Among other things she had written that he was still trying to get over you in the only possible way he knew how to… sleeping with every female co worker in the hospital and you felt an aching pain in your heart and tears pooling in your crystal blue eyes.

Your life in LA isn't half the way you thought it would be. And your currant status is still single. You had tried to make it work with Pete the quack, but he couldn't commit and then you had tried to work it out with Kevin, but you weren't what he wanted… and after awhile, you finally realized, that the only man you wanted to be with… was far far away from you.

Watching the sunset, you decide that it has been long enough. You waited long enough and you have wasted enough months. You want to be happy again and you only know one way how to make that happen.

As soon as the sun is replaced by the moon you walk into your beach house and right up to the phone. Slowly you pick up and dial his number. After all this time you still have it memorized and you don't even wonder about this little fact.

You hear the dial tone and your heart starts to hammer in your chest. Finally after the 5th ring he picks up.

"Hello?"

Your palms are sweaty when you realize that this is the first time in over 6 months that you have heard his voice and your mouth is suddenly dry.

"Hello?" he asks again, this time a bit louder

"It's me." You only answer because your brain apparently failed to say anything more

You hear nothing in reply and are afraid that he might have hung up, when you hear him taking a deep breath.

"Addison" he says and his voice is mixed with something you can't really pinpoint at the moment.

You nod until you finally realize that he can't see you and whisper a soft "yeah" into the phone, not really knowing what else to say.

"What do you want?" he asks you

Swallowing hard you try to get your brain to work again "I wanted to hear your voice."

"Why?" he manages to breathe out "You left half a year ago, without so much as a goodbye, why on earth do you need to hear my voice?" he asks and you can hear that he is angry just by the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry... I just... I miss you" you blurt out and you know that most likely it's too late, but he deserved to know.

You hear him clear his throat and you know that he is thinking over what to say, and after one minute he finally replies "I miss you too"

You feel like a huge stone has been lifted of your chest and for the first time in 6 month you smile. A real smile "I'm sorry" you tell him what seems like minutes later "about everything."

He sighs and you know that he knows what you are talking about "Me too. I never meant to hurt you"

You nod once again and feel the tears in your eyes but the smile is still on your lips because at least you know that he still likes you.

"I never meant to hurt you either" you reply, your voice thick with emotion

"Are you crying?" he ask and you know that he still cares

"No." you lie although he can see right through you. He always could.

"It's okay to cry sometimes" he whispers with a soft voice "I cried over you too" he admits and you know that he still loves you. And this time, you say it back.

**xoxoxox**

It's two month later when you walk around the airport in your black Prada shoes trying to make out the flight number and make sure that his plane arrived in time, searching for the gate (where) he landed when you hear a familiar voice.

"The sun suits you" he calls out, and you turn around just in time to see him smile at you. Walking up to him, you throw your arms around him and your intention is to never let him go again. He hugs you tightly and you know that he wants the same.

"This time, I am not walking away Mark." You whisper in his ear

"This time, I am not going to let you walk away" he replies before he cups your cheek and let(s) his lips brush over yours.

You smile, because you know that this time... It IS enough.

**THE END**

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Okay that was it. I really hope you liked it  I have some more ideas and if you like the story and I get lots and lots of review ;) then I might turn this into a chapter fic. Please take the time to push the review button and leave some comment. Thanks in advance (I baked a cake this afternoon... you might get some if you review... chocolate … yummy)


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